Bat Boy, an obituary

Prophesize the ruin of the blessed Wall Street Journal under Rupert Murdoch, if you want. I write this obituary to mark the passing of a cult-rated standard of true brand-genius: Weekly World News, “The World's Only Reliable Newspaper,” will depart the sphere of dead-tree media with its 27 August issue. Saggy circulation (the tabloid’s, not mine) has killed my career-dream of writing truly ridiculous bullshit for its own sake.

For 28 years, this absurd little chronicle has delivered Nothing But the Truth on the world’s fattest alien babies, wicked deeds of dead celebrities, and Saddam Hussein’s secret heartbreak. But the discovery and continuing exploits of a particular animal-human amalgam gave this grocery store tabloid its most brilliant headlines and best-selling covers. And when WWN editor Dick Kulpa hit us with the chiropteran child named Bat Boy, a pop-idol of a different face entered our shared consciousness.

Bat Boy Bites Santa Claus! Bat Boy Leads Cops on Three State Chase! Bat Boy Endorses Gore! (And after graduating from a small liberal arts college in upstate New York,) Bat Boy Announces Run for California Governorship!

America’s Favorite Hybrid was everywhere. In an acclaimed off-Broadway musical. On stage in London’s West End. In a weekly cartoon detailing the life and times of the fanged grotesque after he resigned from the office of President of the United States (I’m not touching this one!). And, my fav-o, on the big screen in Terry Gilliam’s Twelve Monkeys.

“Elusive and reclusive, where he will pop up next is anybody's guess.” Don’t worry, American Media tells us, you can still read all about Bat Boy on-line! He Lives!

But those hours in the grocery store queue just won't be the same.